The Stentor

Issue date: 4/24/08 Section: The Chive

One of the latest recruits for the Lake Forest Honor Guard. The Guard has mainly been assembled from Man Studies Majors, but outside help has been solicited. This particular member was found on Route 41 on the way to North Chicago.

The passing of the Honor Code will bring sweeping changes to Lake Forest College next year. Not only will students automatically establish more respect for the institution, they will become more trustworthy and begin to govern themselves. The Honor Council is a group of students who will oversee judiciary matters on campus. Another, lesser-known group, has been established to carry out judicial actions - the Honor Guard.

"The Honor Guard is a specially trained, tightly-knit, group of students," said Ethics Center Director Lou Lombardi. "Some might use the term 'cabal,' but I think that's a little harsh."

"On second thought," continued Lombardi, "I think cabal is about right."

Lombardi went on to explain how a group of students are already being trained for the Honor Guard. These selections were chosen from many disciplines, but primarily hail from the Man Studies Department.

"Yeah, Lou contacted me about some of my guys," said Man Studies Chair Dan LeMahieu. "I recommended some of my top guys. I mean these guys really know their s[tuff]. They don't f[udge] around."

Candidates must then go through an intense training process which parallels that of Navy SEALS.

"I wouldn't exactly call what they're learning 'torture,'" said Lombardi. "I mean, bamboo-shoots-under-the-fingernails isn't torture, is it?"

The Chive was provided with a list of possible crimes and punishments that the Honor Guard will be voting on to establish as directives.

According to the list, "Cheating on a test will incur the penalty of 30 lashings behind Carnegie Hall. Those who commit Plagiarism will be made to ingest an entire issue of The Stentor. And those who commit the most dastardly crime of all, not loving every fiber of Lake Forest College, will be submitted to the harshest edict imaginable - exile to Wisconsin."

The Chive has heard rumors that secret test groups of the Honor Guard are already underway.

Continued...

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